The Dracula Society
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The Resident Poet Pages
In 2014, the Dracula Society Committee created the honorary post of Society "Poet in Residence".
The third and present incumbent is Matt Thomsitt, who is based in London and has been a member of the Society since 2013.
These works have appeared in our Society magazine Voices from the Vaults, and many of them have also been presented "live" by their author at Society events.
Please be aware that these works are the property of the author, and should not be reproduced elsewhere without permission.
The Rat’s Lament
A Protest Song
Some animals have all the luck.
They get to be bad, they get to be cool;
They won’t be squashed by car or truck,
They won’t be nobody’s fool.
Wolves are lonesome, proud, aloof.
Spiders wriggle and jiggle, they say.
Cats can leap from roof to roof,
And then they get to sleep all day.
Snakes can make your blood run cold
With fangs that ooze their venomous sting.
Their mysteries are manifold,
And flies can.. well, they fly, that’s something.
But what of us, the lowly rats,
Creeping round upon our bellies?
We don’t look good in capes or hats,
We’re plague infested, dark and hellish.
We have red eyes too you know,
But we don’t get no crumpet.
We scrounge for scraps that people throw,
And get to like or lump it.
Our beady eyes won’t hypnotize,
Regardless of how hard we stare,
The swooning maid with silken thighs,
Or free her of her underwear.
We’re doomed to scratch and creep and gnaw,
And never get a line to say;
To scurry round on unswept floors,
And settle for an extra’s pay.
My oh my oh myomorpha!
Time for us to set things straight,
And even up the score for
Rodents, quick, before it gets too late!
Votes for vermin! Rights for rats!
And down with him that we most hate,
Yes, that damn bat!
Poet in Remonstrance
When they said “Poet in Residence”,
I didn’t think I’d actually have to live here.
Punishment, I guess, for my improvidence,
Or, perhaps for one too many beers.
It’s dank and spooky in this lonely crypt.
I think it needs a jolly good spring clean;
It’s very dusty and the carpet’s ripped.
It’s not unlike some bedsits that I’ve seen.
There’s no TV and the Wi-Fi’s really bad.
I scribble, scrape and scratch by quill and candle.
The smell of damp is sending me quite mad
I’m not sure how much more that I can handle.
And these three scary boxes, what’s inside?
Oh wait, my luck’s improving; Waken Brides!
Words of Comfort for Demeter
And for Tina
[This was my response to Tina Rath’s penultimate poem as the outgoing Poet in Residence "The Girl Who Loved Graveyards"]
I Googled “toxicity of pomegranate seeds”,
And found that for worry there’s really no need.
In fact, they’re rather good for one;
Vitamin rich and decidedly yum.
Persephone’s companion, it seems, was not Death,
But Nigel, an emo from Aberystwyth.
His only castle the Dublin in Camden,
His clothes mostly black, and artfully random.
Her phone inadvertently flushed down the loo
Whilst What’sApping Helen, as sisters will do.
“Oh bugger”, she cursed, and other things worse,
Words too bad to be printed in verse,
While Nigel sat waiting, moony and pale,
Anxiously chewing one glossy black nail.
“Why’s she taking so long? Is she weeing for Greece?
Best get the bill, or they’ll call the police.”
They’d already missed the last bus to Hades,
Thanks to Persephone’s trip to the ladies’.
So they went back to Nigel’s in Finsbury Park.
It was dirty as Hades, and nearly as dark.
No girl can survive without smartphone for long,
Or listen to that many dark moody songs,
So Demeter, stop fretting and pick up your shears.
It shouldn’t be long now before she appears.